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Top Secret!!! Information your government doesn’t want you to know!  The CIA is now under strict orders not to spy on anybody in Russia. But Britain’s MI6 faces no such restrictions! They have recently leaked to The Economist their surveillance video of Donald Trump’s meeting with Vladimir Putin. The complete transcript of the audio (the remaining ten minutes are untranslatable gagging noises) appears below, but the video is unavailable because The Economist’s editor banned it for being pornographic. Donald Trump: “Oh my Vovochka! You’re such a man! Can I be your new best friend?” Vladimir Putin: “Shut up and keep sucking.”  Related News Sasha Grey, the Gag Queen, has officially abdicated her throne! “I’m not even half as debased as The Donald,” she sobbed, handing over her crown. But Donald Trump was magnanimous in accepting his new title as the Gag King. “Poor Sasha,” he lamented, shedding crocodile tears for his vanquished rival, “She just didn’t have anyone like my beloved Vovochka to inspire her to ever more shocking displays of degrading oneself.” Mia Khalifa, whom Donald Trump picked as his ambassador to Lebanon, turned down the job. “At least Sasha had some class. The Gag King’s videos are just revolting,” Miss Khalifa explained, “The Lebanese people can accept my work in pornography more easily than they could ever accept my acting as an apologist for that pathological liar. Unlike Paul Ryan, I still have my soul.” Ivanka Trump, pictured below, vowed to retaliate by ruining the careers of “aging” porn stars like Mia Khalifa. Ivanka’s bold plan? She would flood the market with underage girls captured from the houses of Democrats. When reminded that this is illegal, Ivanka just laughed, “The law? What’s that? I’m a Trump!” In an attempt to justify pedophilia, she said the girls will “discover who they are” and that she will “give them security and safety and provide them with love and a reliable rock where they can’t speak to their parents.” When asked if her father, Donald Trump, believes in pedophilia too, Ivanka boasted, “I wouldn’t give nearly such good head if it wasn’t for him.”  Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov and Ambassador Sergey Kiselak, pictured below, are receiving classified intelligence that compromises one of our closest allies and is so sensitive that it is even concealed from our other allies. Donald Trump: I get great intel. I have people brief me on great intel every day. But – in exchange for this great intel – Lavrov and Kiselak had to allow Cuckold Donald to suck their dicks. You decide: Fair exchange?  The following is not satire; it is the transcript of an audio recording, 15 June 2016.
This demand for loyalty to the Republican/Kremlin “family” came immediately after boasting of their sophisticated propaganda machine, which Cathy Rodgers seemed particularly impressed with after her trip to the Ukraine. I have been selling sniper training and ballistics to the Western Ukrainians that are killing Little Green Men for many years and this too has been my takeaway from doing business in Eastern Europe: The Russian propaganda machine is incredibly sophisticated; they have professional psychologists that have spent a lifetime studying the lumpen mind. It is both scary and pathetic that [American] retards suckling on Alex Jones’ tit are e-mailing me shit from Infowars that I have already seen in the original Russian.
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